Terms of Service

Hello.

I’m from the USA, so I’m afraid I’ll have to insist that you read and agree to these terms and conditions before continuing on.

1. Any words, images, combination of words and images, icons, links, sounds or other media displayed on this site should not in any way be considered to be advice, instruction or suggestion of any kind, and should in no way alter the state-machine of your conscious or unconscious mind in any way that could ever reflect poorly on me in any legal, moral, ethical, practical or metaphorical way.

2. The words, images, combination of words and images, icons, links, sounds or other media displayed on this site are mine. Mine, mine, mine. They are protected by copyright, the Berne Convention, the DMCA*, and several branches of the US military, I own them until the very stars grow dark in the sky. I also have a patent pending on the vowels "A", "E", "I", "O" (someone else owns the patent on "U"). No sentient life in the Milky Way and Lesser Magellanic Cloud may use these words without the direct written consent of the author and his direct germ-line descendants for the next 10,000 years.

3. There is no written or expressed warranty as to the fitness of any advice, instruction or comment herein for the purpose proposed. Personally, I think all this content is fantastic, timely and wise, but I live in a giant America-themed amusement park where we all have to keep our hands inside the ride at all times, and nobody has any personal responsibility for their actions, no matter how ill-conceived, inane or dangerous they may be. I am therefore forced to treat you like an idiot. Nothing personal.

4. I retain the right to change the terms of service at any time. I’m whimsical that way. Changes to the Terms of Service shall instantly propagate up and down the entire time-line of human history, retroactively and proactively applying to the ancestors and descendant of all bound by its terms.

5. By reading these terms and conditions, you are legally bound by its onerous and draconian content. Sucker. The absorption of photons by the rod and cones of your retinas, either emitted or reflected by this agreement constitutes a legally binding agreement to the contents contained herein. Just starting to read this is enough really.

Stopping reading in the middle is not a valid legal defense.

I had you at hello.

* Some folks have asked what DMCA stands for. To reverse-engineer the semantic content represented by the initials DMCA and render them in plain-text is a violation of the DMCA, citizen.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.5 License.